It Was Bound To Happen Eventually
by The Phantom Dragon
Summary: The title says it all. Daddy Bats gets to deal with the joys of dealing with a now adolescent birdie.


_**Curiosity does more than kill cats.**_

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_**one random evening at Mt. Justice.**_

Robin was bored. Batman was abroad on a business trip so he was staying over at the mountain. Wally still had homework and that meant lots of cursing at a speed humanly impossible to understand and an ever growing pile of ripped papers until he remembered to slow down.

Megan was attempting to cook again, Connor was primping his bike, Kaldur was visiting Atlantis, and Artemis had gone home.

For lack of anything better to do, Dick fell back to the one thing that never failed to entertain, hacking any computer with even passing connection to his mentor. He had long ago gleaned through the computers at the Batcave, Wayne Industries, and was mostly done with the Watchtower's technology, not all of it earth originated.

Tonight he decided to try something a little different, because after all variety is the spice of life. Pulling out a flashdrive he'd been saving for just such an occasion, he waited patiently for his computer to load the device. At last the much awaited box opened. He smiled, his eyes reflecting the secrets of the bat that now lay before him like the proverbial forbidden fruit waiting for plucking.

Bruce would kill him if he ever discovered Dick had hacked his personal computer. But that had been months ago and a substantial amount of time had passed that even if the great detective noticed an intrusion he would never think to track it back to his protégé.

Scanning through the general contents took maybe two hours. Mostly it was just current work projects, memos, and, to his embarrassed delight, pictures of him and Bruce at his school's last spelling bee. All in all pretty much what he'd expected to find.

Only mildly disappointed, he proceeded on to scan for any hidden files. Thanks to Bruce's 'no holds' take on their gear his arm scanner could contain several terabyte of data, so he'd simply copied and pasted the entire memory of his mentor's computer.

Grinning madly he watched as the search brought up a smaller collection of folders. Now the real party started.

Half-an-hour later he'd finished scanning the outdated data on Batman's own personal collection of psychotic fans and was ready to call it a night when a thought occurred to him. Returning to the main folder he ran the mouse over each box and noted the size. Finally he found what he was looking for; the folder for the live feed from the mansion's security cameras was not a few gigabytes above being suspiciously large. A quick peek confirmed the amount of video did not match the folder size.

So, it would seem big daddy Bats had something to hide after all. Now progressing onto giggling madly, he set to work with enthusiasm.

_**ten minutes later**_

"So feeling the aster," the Boy Wonder smirked. Triple encryption, eat your heart out. Grinning in a rather disturbing manner, he double clicked on the video file he'd so freshly obtained access to.

"Nice try Bruce. I still win."

Victory was such a sweet thing, perhaps he could boast of it to Wally when the guy finally… whoa wait… what the HELL was this?!

Slowly the grin dripped from his lips as shock set in, rendering him powerless to stop the images flashing before virgin eyes.

No! No way Bruce… would he?

Fifteen minutes later the video ended, leaving him to stare at the screen. Would Bruce… did he…

Suddenly the grin was back and even more disturbing if that were at all possible. Oh insane sadistic Joker; he had to find out how true this was and to what extent.

Cackling madly, Dick cracked his knuckles in preparation for the challenge that lay before him. Oh this was proving to be a very fruitful, not to mention, _informative_ evening.

BRBRBRBRRBRBRBRBRBRBBRRBRBRBBRBRBR

"You're so dead this time dude." Dick rolled his eyes before remembering his friend couldn't see it behind his mask.

"Shut up!" Dick snapped and continued watching the live feed from the security cameras in Mt. Justice's training room where his mentor stood with a Black Canary who was trying to appear serious even though it was so obvious she wanted nothing more than to go hide in a corner somewhere the bat wouldn't hear her and laugh herself to death.

Canary: "Batman, I think it's time."

Batman: "..."

Canary: "Robin is at 'that' age. Don't you think it's time you sat down with him for a talk?"

Batman: "..."

Dick tried not to snicker at the questioning stare.

Canary: "Superboy came to me the yesterday asking what porn is and it's use. When I asked him the sudden interest he said he overheard Robin and KF laughing about finding files on your computer of a... questionable nature."

Batman: "..."

The guilty duet held their breath in anticipation.

Finally

"Goddamn it!"

Three pairs of shocked eyes sat glued to the dark figure in absolute silence. Then…

"Dude," KF sounded a mix concern and hilarity as he watched his younger compatriot rolling breathlessly away from the chair that had toppled backwards, "you OK?"

The little bird barely managed to wave a hand at the speedster as he clutched his sides in breathless laughter. Wally grinned, looked back at the screen, and paled as he felt his life shortening significantly.

"Oh dude, you gotta run. The big guy's coming and he don't look too happy."

Robin immediately sobered up, took a look for himself and paled. "Shit, he's gonna kill me."

KF managed not to laugh as Robin shut down his computer in a hurry and took off like a bat out of Hell. He on the other hand took his time leisurely strolling back to his room. He would leave the little bird to have fun with the father son bonding time. Although it would have been very amusing to see Batman's reaction when he was hit with the realization that working around criminals offered no immunity for adolescent ignorance. Wayne was ancient if he didn't know what kids could find with simple Googling these days.

Locking the door behind him, he whistled a tune as he opened his laptop and pulled out the files from the USB he'd stolen off Dickie bird. He had to say, for being a grumpy geezer Bats had some good stuff. What he'd found in the second folder the first time he checked made his eyes light up like Halloween, his birthday, and Christmas had all come at once. Now to put it to good use.

His gloating was cut short by a heavy knock on his door.

"West may I have a word?"

"Just a second." Wally grinned and closed his computer. Bat could distract him so he could search his room. He wouldn't find anything.

"Have you seen Robin?"

"Nope. Was heading to the kitchen for a snack, care to join me?" He didn't mind being nice and buying his little buddy a few precious extra seconds. When the Dark Knight just glared silently he shrugged and zipped off with a 'see ya'.

Batman smiled as he held up the USB he'd picked from Wally's pocket. Now to see how much damage had been done. He plugged it into the computer in his glove and waited patiently.

"WELCOME TO YOUR LIFE'S SAME HALF. Here we believe in true love even if society says it's wrong!"

Bruce didn't even notice the Batman's jaw was currently dusting the floor. His brain was preoccupied with progressively shutting as each new site popped up.

Then the role playing sites reached the section of superhero wannabe matches and his blood reached explosive.

"WEST!"

Wally smirked and stopped a safe distance from the mountain to munch the cookies he'd swiped from the kitchen. He had no trouble imagining the _very_ straight Bruce Wayne's reaction to the sites that bug in the drive was set to pull up. He laughed aloud as he recalled the still semi-innocent Dickie's cute little blush when they found those sites. To be perfectly honest if he had swung that way he wouldn't have waited a second to put the moves on the adorable little bird.

Now outright laughing he pulled out his phone and fired off a text to Roy to check his email. Batman could kill him later and he would die a happy prankster. He could not wait to hear the conversation that was sure to ensue between the two Arrows. He imagined it would probably not be a far stretch from the one he'd had with his own mentor two year previous.

Who could have known Hentai was so popular with superheroes.

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_**Deviant art such a lovely means of inspiration. **_

_**review please**_


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